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FIC: "Add Some 'roo to Your 'do", Buffy Summers, Oz Osbourne, Xander Harris, Willow Rosenburg - Permanent Logs
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FIC: "Add Some 'roo to Your 'do", Buffy Summers, Oz Osbourne, Xander Harris, Willow Rosenburg
Title: Add Some ‘roo to Your ‘do
Author: subluxate
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Buffy and Oz are the requested characters. Xander and Willow also make appearances.
Written for: tinpra
Prompt: Conditioner
Rating: 7+ at the very highest
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's Notes: I hope you like this. It’s not smut, and they’re not a couple, but I do like it.
Distribution: Bubblefic archive is fine; otherwise ask.

“You what?” Buffy stared at Xander, who shrugged.

“Well, you know, he’s got to get bored in there.”

“Three nights a month!” Buffy shook her head. “So how did you even get him outside?”

“Oh, see, that was easy.” Xander seemed almost eager to make himself look halfway not-bad. “You know how Wil always puts blankets in the cages? And there’s the darts? If you drug him and he lands on one, he’s really easy to pull.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “So you dragged him outside and…”

“Chained him to the tree,” Xander finished.

“You just happened to have chains lying around?”

Xander flushed bright red. “Okay, so not the issue. You remember how it started raining?”



“Buffy, fix this for me,” Buffy grumbled as she aimed the tranquilizer gun at Oz. “Buffy, I did something really freaking stupid and I don’t know how to put it back. Buffy, Giles is going to be mad if you don’t fix it. Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. I’m not a superhero here, people. Just the Slayer.” She hit Oz in the shoulder as he leapt at her, and he dropped with a yelp. “Stupid boys. Stupid boys getting bitten by their stupid cousins. Stupid rain.”

After she tossed a rock in Oz’s direction and he didn’t move, she nodded to herself and advanced. What did Xander say? A blanket? Wouldn’t do a lot of good with the mud. She groaned and shucked her jacket, leaving it and the gun on her back porch. Good thing her mom wasn’t home.

Once she’d unlocked Oz, she caught sight of those jaws again. The ones that could mean she had to deal with another werewolf the next night, and the next full moon, and every month after that. Like she didn’t have enough to do with the vampire infestation. Relock, go back inside, and find rope to make a muzzle from.

Maybe Xander had rope to go with his chains. She should ask him, maybe in front of Oz and Willow.

Rope tied around Oz’s muzzle, she unlocked him again and braced herself to sling him over her shoulders. This mess was on its second half-hour, and that was without bathing a full-grown werewolf.

And the bathtub just had to be upstairs, too. That trek alone took her another five minutes, grunting with each step upward. She’d have to hunt down a fireman and learn to do a firefighter’s hold. In case Xander decided to do something brilliant like this again, or she had to rescue anyone else.

Which, since she was the Slayer and lived in Sunnydale, she would. Kind of went with the job.

“How come you get bigger as a wolf?” Buffy demanded breathlessly. Not that Oz could answer; he was sort of unconscious.

She eased him to the floor of the bathroom, or tried to; his feet thumped, but his head didn’t, which was the important part, right? Had to clear stuff out of the tub. Including the rubber froggie that she really didn’t want squished by a too-big werewolf.

Glancing at her shampoo, she made a face. All the money she’d paid, and it had to get used on a muddy werewolf. “Xander, you are so paying me back,” she muttered.

One more series of heaves, and she had Oz in the tub. She turned on the water and took down the shower head to start spraying off the mud. No way she’d clean up this mess after. Xander could do it.

By the time she had him lathered—and ignored certain parts that Willow wouldn’t want her to touch—with her shampoo, the darkness outside the bathroom window was beginning to lessen. “Crap.” Another long spray, and then she ran her hand through his fur to make sure all the shampoo was out. Unlike with her hair, it had made his fur feel coarse and rough. She groaned aloud—she’d have to do it. Her beautiful, yummy-smelling, thick, actually creamy conditioner, and she had to dump it all over Willow’s furry boyfriend. Willow better like the smell.

Buffy was so absorbed in getting the conditioner all through his fur—if his fur was gross, what would it do to his skin when he changed back, after all?—that she didn’t notice how it was, uh, turning to skin. Or how he was getting smaller. She turned the spray back on him, and her eyes widened. She had never wanted to see that much of Oz. Okay, maybe once, she’d wondered, when Willow talked about how he wouldn’t do anything, but…

Not getting her anywhere. She sprayed him down more carelessly than before and dropped a towel over him, scrambling toward the bathroom door. “Xander!” she called. “You can come get him out and dry.”

“Is he still big and toothy?” Xander called back. “Because I can’t handle it if he—”

“Xander! He is small and pasty.”

“He’s—oh. And you—” Xander thundered up the stairs. “I’ll take it from here, Buff.”

“Gentlemanly of you,” she said dryly, pushing out past him.

A moment, then—

“Buffy? Why does Oz have rope around his head?”


“It’s the weirdest thing,” Oz was saying as he and Willow walked into the library. “That bruise on my neck—”

“And you smell really good.” Willow nuzzled against his shoulder.

Buffy and Xander glanced at each other, trying to suppress grins.

Tags: , , , ,

5 shots downed ~ ~ pick your poison
tinpra From: tinpra Date: April 1st, 2008 02:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! It wasn't what I was expecting (I have no idea what I was expecting) but it made me laugh out loud and that's great. I love Buffy's grumbling as she shoots wolf!Oz. Wonderfully in character. Just...thank you again. You made my night :D
rwryter From: rwryter Date: April 4th, 2008 06:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Very glad you liked it. We really don't seem to have a lot in common, from what I read on your profile, so it was hard to figure something out, until I hit this idea.

Laughing out loud is always a plus.
tinpra From: tinpra Date: April 4th, 2008 05:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
It never even occurred to me to look at someone's profile for story writing ideas, or that someone would look at mine. Either way, I'm happy :)
kiss_me_cassie From: kiss_me_cassie Date: April 1st, 2008 05:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm not sure *why* they were giving Oz a bath, but I don't care right now. That was hilarious! :)
rwryter From: rwryter Date: April 4th, 2008 06:51 am (UTC) (Link)
It rained while he was outside, chained to that tree, and he got covered in mud. The alternative was to let him wake up muddy, and neither figured that would go over well.

Glad you liked it!
5 shots downed ~ ~ pick your poison